life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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