I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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