Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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