i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
