hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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