A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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