I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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