All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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