Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
