so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
well you can't waste a boner
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
