PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
