Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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