I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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