Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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