I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
