I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
