AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
