i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
