She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
