i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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