U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
