what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the day after is always just damage control
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
