btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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