And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
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Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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