I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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