I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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