is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
