She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
