i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
