fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
