We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
