Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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