Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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