Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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