she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
