Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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