my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
