How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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