is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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