Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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