I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
two words: eviction party
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
