"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
