dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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