you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
