he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
