I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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