shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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