I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
