and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
