this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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