the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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