so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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