Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
