Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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