He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
