Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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