Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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