hotel room ftw
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
