god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
