It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
