So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
