Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
