I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
