apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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