You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
