plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
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I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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