Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
