Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
