is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I need moral support for this bender
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
