ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.