I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
