Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
