Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
