If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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