I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
