The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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