i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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