Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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