think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
